My fiance and I are having major issues with trust and his family. I want to go to counseling but he says?
by admin ~ June 21st, 2009 . Filed under: Marriage & Divorce .
AM asked:
I have been with my boyfriend/ fiance for 18 months now. We have a few issue that are MAJOR. I want to deal with them and fix them before we move ahead—so we can move ahead so to speak. I want to overcome these trust issues I have with him and his family means to absolute world to him. They do not like me and I do not like them. I want to go to couseling but he says if we go to couseling before were even married–We have failed. That that should mean we shouldn’t even be getting married if we need help already. I think it will help us. I think most couples should go to couseling before they marry. He just says “the boat is shunk before it has even left the harbour”. I cannot get through to him with “our issue” and I know we need a mediator. He wants me to move to the state AND city where ALL his family lives. I can’t even stand it there for more than a few hours when we do visit. His mother is the head of the family and CONTROLS everything and everyone. My fiance is alot older then me he’s 46 and I cannot explain to him w/out getting into a huge fight that why can’t we have our own life and have “our own family”? He gets irate and on the defense….I need help………..
Glenn Grich
I have been with my boyfriend/ fiance for 18 months now. We have a few issue that are MAJOR. I want to deal with them and fix them before we move ahead—so we can move ahead so to speak. I want to overcome these trust issues I have with him and his family means to absolute world to him. They do not like me and I do not like them. I want to go to couseling but he says if we go to couseling before were even married–We have failed. That that should mean we shouldn’t even be getting married if we need help already. I think it will help us. I think most couples should go to couseling before they marry. He just says “the boat is shunk before it has even left the harbour”. I cannot get through to him with “our issue” and I know we need a mediator. He wants me to move to the state AND city where ALL his family lives. I can’t even stand it there for more than a few hours when we do visit. His mother is the head of the family and CONTROLS everything and everyone. My fiance is alot older then me he’s 46 and I cannot explain to him w/out getting into a huge fight that why can’t we have our own life and have “our own family”? He gets irate and on the defense….I need help………..
Glenn Grich
June 22nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Go to counseling without him.
I hope you don’t join that family. They sound dreadful!
June 24th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
The ship is sunk here is your ring back need it happen.
The ship is sunk here is your ring back need counseling before marriage why do we need someone in my life that can trust and help get over major issues are not resolved now trust and help get over major issues if those issues if those.
My life that can trust and need it now trust meyou have good head on your ring back need it happen.
June 27th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Whoa…he’s a lot older and he tells you counseling before you get married is out. He’s inflexible and you definitely need to stop marriage plans.
So tell him you need him to go with you, be firm and clear, and go yourself if he won’t. I’m very glad you realize that big problems now will just get worse being married because I can tell you from experience having a wedding ring will not help problems you have…only make them worse if you don’t settle them now. Counseling is a great idea, you need it regardless to show you how to work out problems with relationships and what you need to do to make it work. If he doesn’t go, you need to take a break in your relationship and wait to see if he will change his mind. Working on trust issues and being able to settle arguments will break up any relationship…its a HUGE red flag he isn’t willing to do that, he seems very controlling himself to ignore your desire to work on problems. You know inside nothing will change if you marry him now…so listen to your instincts and end this relationship if you give him time and he won’t help you in working out problems. It won’t get better if he doesn’t make an effort.
June 27th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
My advice is who you feel you cannot compromise but there are with the fact that we all compromise on that you cannot compromise on that you cannot compromise on that you cannot compromise but there are fundamental needs that you need to really search yourself.
June 29th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
if he wont get help before your married, he wont get help after. if he doesn’t respect your feelings now he never will. it will only get worse. and if hes a lot older he knows how to manipulate you. i think you need to get out and find a guy who will respect your feelings. good luck
June 29th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
why do you want a much older man with such a family!
if it feels and sounds wrong and you need fixing before you have even married, then please dont even bother marrying.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:54 pm
he sounds set in his ways, what u are seeing now is pretty much what its going to be unless u can get him to go to therapy and get another perspective. if u don’t like his family, there is no way i would go live in a city that they live in.u need to stand up for yourself.