Archive for the ‘Adoption’ Category
Every relationship I’ve entered always ended with abandonment, be it a friend or family one.
As I just met an incredible person who sees me for who I truly am, I do not want to ***** this up. I’ve always had the fear of people leaving me interfere with my daily activities, and this is one thing I don’t want it to ***** up.
So, adoptees, and whoever…
How did you get past abandonment and trust issues in a relationship?
Marisa
I don’t know if anyone remembers my son’s story, but he was placed in care at 2 months old due to abuse at the hands of his first mother. His grandmother had the opportunity to adopt him, but would not cut her daughter out of her life, nor did she protect him from any abuse (under her roof). The grandma had asked (via children’s services) for some contact through letters and pictures but we acted on the advice of our son’s caseworkers that she may be used by her daughter in order to find any identifying information to find our son (this is something our son’s first mom has threatened to do on many occasions) and declined to send her anything.
Well, grandma has contacted the agency every month for the past year since we adopted him so about 3 months ago we relented and agreed to send letters, some of his drawings (he’s an amazing little artist) and a few pics to be sent through the agency. In return, she also sent us letters and pictures of her family.
The problem: she was never to share any of the pictures with his first mother. This may sound cruel to many here, but believe me there are VERY good reasons why that stipulation needed to be in place as his fmom is a very dangerous woman.
As you can imagine, we discovered that not only did she share them with his mother, but we were called into our son’s pre-school as they wanted to let us know that they and the few other daycare’s in the same chain have been harrassed by phone calls asking if my son attends there.Our stupidity here, one of the pics was a school pic that happened to have the name of the school in the background. We thought it was adequately blurred out, but his fmom is extremely resourceful and I underestimated that.
We now have to pull him out of the 3rd school he has been in in just under a year and now we have told the grandma (throught the agnecy) that we can no longer trust her and communication is now over.
She is understandably devastated and is begging for another chance. She says that her daughter is a good girl. No, this good girl is over 40 and is dangerous.
The bottom line is, we gave his grandma a chance because we thought it was important for our son and we believe she loves him. But her daughter will always come first and I am concerned for everyone’s safety.
I don’t know if I am venting or if I am asking if we did the right thing or what you would do differently? I do feel for his grandma but she simply cannot go against her daughter.
What would you do?
ETA: My son has no idea we had started contact.
We have looked into a restraining order but that was met with a lot of frustration because we would have to let his first mother know our address and the addresses of our work and the kids’ schools and everywhere else we frequent so she would know where she needed to stay away. Obviously the last thing we want is for her to know where we are as we believe a restraining order would mean very little to her.
Yes, we adopted from the public system and our son is 3.
Dillon Pizzulo